This Bittersweet Holiday Season

It seems surreal that the holiday season has come and gone so quickly this year. It has been filled with both immense blessings and immense sadness. I feel badly about not having posted to Jordan's blog in so many months. It's not that I haven't had things to report about Jordan's healing, I guess I just checked out emotionally. I let the busyness of life just carry me through while being essentially disconnected from my first holiday season without my mom who passed away last January very suddenly and unexpectedly. My mom's favorite time of year has always been the holiday season. The firsts of everything are always the hardest. We learned this lesson well following our precious daughter Laura's fatal car accident in 2001. This has also been our first holiday season without our beloved friend and minister, Brother Glenn Weekley. Just knowing that he was available when the need arose was a great comfort to us as a family. He has always been such an encourager. Knowing that we can no longer just pick up the phone and speak to these very special people has been difficult not only for me but for our whole family. That probably sounds very selfish, but we all do miss them very much. The holidays seem to make us all acutely aware of the absence of those we love no matter what the circumstances. However, we do take great comfort in knowing that for believers, "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord".
I want to make sure that while I continue to sort through my own feelings of grief that I do not let it color my entries on Jordan's blog and it has seemed that each time I tried to post an entry that was just what did actually happen. It was either much ''too up" or much "too down" and none of the "just right in the middle". As a family, our lives have been so touched by other caring people that have reached out to us so very many times, that I have finally decided to start posting entries again despite my personal struggles. It had been easier to cover my lingering feelings of sorrow in brief encounters, but when you attempt to get real and "bare your soul", it is much more difficult to not let the true emotions show. I keep thinking that I should be able to just "get on with my life". Intellectually I know what I need to do, but "my heart just ain't listening". I hope that those who read this will just bare with me.
Despite everything, God has been patient and kind to me personally and to our family as a whole. He has generously showered us with gifts...dedicated prayer warriors who DO NOT QUIT, financial gifts to help ease the burden of caring for a chronically ill child, numerous gifts of the much needed "home repairs" that continually get put on the "back burner" in order to provide for other needs, and the most wonderful Christmas blessings that left every one of our family feeling completely speechless and overwhelmed with His love. Last but not least, God has walked with us every step of our journey and reached out to encourage us daily through His word and His people. Never underestimate the power of a hug, an e-mail, a phone call, a card, or even a simple smile to brighten the day of someone else. And I thank God for everyone of YOU who diligently care about Jordan and our family.